Would you rather?

So I’ve decided to play along in The Scattered Mind of a Tattooed Minivan Mom’s “Would you rather?” questions.

Get on it!

1. Kat wants to know: Would you rather eat a cockroach or a bull nut?

I’m hoping that the cockroach is either covered in chocolate or deep-fried. If it is, then I will go with the cockroach. Now I’m wondering if a bull nut tastes like lamb balls. And those really aren’t that bad. Tastes like chicken, actually.

2. Brandy wonders: Would you rather not shower for a month or not brush your teeth for a month?

I totally would go not showering for a month, because hey, I can still take a BATH! I absolutely must brush my teeth at least two to three times a day. My teeth are very precious to me.

3. April asks: Would you rather....have to have sex everyday for a year straight or go six months without it? Knowing you HAVE to do it every day VS. the anticipation of what is to come in 6 months.

Sex every day. Why would I answer this any differently?

4. Ashley wants to know all kinds of good stuff: Would you rather find true love or 1 million dollars?

One million dollars because in today’s world money can buy you true love. Kidding…. True love, bitches.

5. Would you rather always have to say everything on your mind or never speak again?

Never speak again. I would just write down everything that is on my mind in an email, or text message, or letter, or worse, on my blog.

6. Would you rather know it all or have it all?

Know it all in hopes that would lead to having it all. Yeah.

7. Katie wonders (that’s me!): Would you rather have extremely bad tourettes or uncontrollable orgasms?
Uncontrollable orgasms! I can learn to make that shit quiet. It’s a skill.

8. Would you rather skip Christmas for a year or skip your birthday for a year?

My birthday because nothing ever good happens after turning 21 years old. I’m 28 and I’m already having an early mid-life crisis.

9. Heather asks: Would you rather be followed by a cloud of dust or a cloud of gnats?

A cloud of dust. At least that’s a tad bit easier to hide, well until the sunlight perfectly hits you, then everyone can see that shit.

10. Michelle wants to gross you out: Would you rather eat a toenail omelet or a hair sandwich?

A toenail omelet. TASTY.

11. Would you rather lick the discharge from a cat’s eye or lick the dried spit from the corner of a teacher’s mouth?

I am not hungry anymore. I would probably have to lick the discharge from a cat’s eye. I think I’ve accidently eaten my dogs’ discharge before.

12. Jennifer wants to know: Would you rather have dinner with the Obamas or go on a date with George Clooney?

George Clooney. I know I probably should have said Obama, but damn, he has a lot of business to handle and a ton of shit to clean-up, I just know I would be taking away from that and I CAN NOT DO THAT.

13. and as an afterthought, she wanted to know...Would you rather be paralyzed or blind?

Blind, hands down. I don’t think I could have anyone wipe my own butt for me. And when that day comes, I am so sorry to whoever has to do that. I will put you in my Will.

14. Jo-Jo said: Would you rather blog or sleep?

Sleep, of course. I dream about sleeping and if I could, I would love to hibernate.

15. G from Where's My Angels: Would you rather take a cheese grater to your sunburned back, or pour alcohol in a new hole in your toe?

Pour alcohol in a new hole in my toe, definitely. I would use Tequila, so I could get DRUNK.

16. Yaya: Would you rather use the woods or a port-o-potty?

The woods. I know how to cop-a-squat. Well sometimes, I miss and hit my feet. Lovely.

17. Jamie: Would you rather walk across hot coals or drive a nail through your foot?

Well, I’ve already driven a nail through my foot when I was a kid, so I’ll try walking across hot coals. I kill my feet in high heels every day, so hot coals should be EASY.

18. Magpie: Would you rather have city street water splash on your bare feet or lick a shovel from a horse barn?

Definitely city street water splashed on my bare feet. I’ve had to walk through city water in downtown Dallas. Not on purpose, of course. And if you have ever been to downtown Dallas, you already know it smells like piss.

19. Heather: Would you rather join a charlie horse orgy or take ten four-year-olds on a field trip to some ancient Indian burial grounds?

The four year olds. I could only hope they would have nightmares. I know, I’m terrible.

20. AngieDe apparently has way too much time on her hands to think about weird shit: Would you rather have to go pee ALL the time, or have to go pee really bad but never be able to go?

What’s all the time? Like non-stop? I will go with have to go pee really bad but never be able to go because those plus uncontrollable orgasms WOULD ROCK. Those orgasms would feel ten times more fantastic. Oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about.

21. Would you rather drown in Coke or Pepsi?

I will go with Diet Coke. Man, it doesn’t matter.

22. Would you rather eat a bar of soap or drink a bottle of dish washing liquid?

Dish washing liquid because I could chug it and wouldn’t have to chew.

23. Would you rather be stranded on an island alone or with someone you hate?

With someone I hate, because sooner or later we would end up liking each other. TEAM WORK, people. Teamwork.

24. Angela: Would you rather paper cut your eyeball or step on a nail?

I’d step on a nail again. It’s not so bad. And if your brother is there when you do happen to step on a nail, I hope he carries you all the way home like my brother did. AWE He’s the best.

25. Black Betty asks: Would you rather receive a golden shower or a roman shower?

Wouldn’t you like to know? Ok, this is just NASTY.

26. Cyndy, wonders: Would you rather lick a frog or drink rusty water?

Rusty Water. I imagine it tasting like the water that comes out of my kitchen faucet.

27. Crackwhore, better known as Live.Love.Eat asks a very thought provoking question: As a blogger, would you rather be famous like Dooce and too busy to really connect with bloggers, or not so famous and have connections?

Connections. We all need connections, right?

28. Hula: Would you rather live without water or electricity?

Electricity. I know how to start a fire. I’m handy like that. Plus, I have my iPhone – it can do everything.

29. Captain Dumbass: Would you rather shave your head with a cheese grater or be audited?

Audited. I’m not scared. Shit, now I’m going to be audited this coming tax season.

30. My new whacked out friend Sassy would like to throw in: Would you rather drink a gallon of dirty hot dog water OR a shot glass of foot sweat?

I’m hoping hot dogs as in hot dogs one eats. So I will go with drink a gallon of dirty hot dog water. Yum, salty.

31. Would you rather lose your 4 front teeth after bouncing your head off a cement curb OR get a paper cut on your eye?

Definitely paper cut on my eye. It has to be like having Lasik eye surgery. I’ve had that done, so no problem. Bring it on.

32. Would you rather have explosive diarrhea OR uncontrolled vomiting?

Vomiting because at least you can catch that in a paper bag or bowl or your purse. Explosive diarrhea has nowhere to go except in your pants or if you make it in time, the toilet. But who’s near a bathroom all the time?

33. Drama Mama came in on the last minute with this doozy: Would you rather have a Permanent Yeast Infection or Permanent Hemorrhoids?

The yeast infection because there is some badass itching cream out there these days. I don’t want to be screaming when I need to take a poo.

34. Ann asked : Would you rather be able to read your husband's mind? Or have him be able to read yours?

This is easy, read his mind. That would make life so much easier. And I would never have to ask what he wanted for Christmas ever again. Score.

35. Toni asked: Would you rather suffer from incurable baldness, everywhere, or wolfman's disease, everywhere?

Baldness. Wigs are awesome. Never shave again?? HELL YES. That’s what did it for me.

36. Would you rather share your house with a skunk or a porcupine?

Porcupine. I used to have a hedgehog, so I’m guessing it’s similar besides the porcupine’s sharp spines never going away.

37. Betty asked: Would you rather eat opossum road kill (that’s been jacked up) or bambi.

Bambi because knowing me I probably have already eaten Bambi’s mom, dad, brother , sister and all her cousins, too.

38. and from Tattooed Minivan Mom: Would you rather be able to say anything you want on your blog and risk offending people and/or losing readers or would you rather keep it edited?

I already say whatever I want. I’m not here to impress anyone. I do not attack anyone specifically, except you know my friends and my family, and they can already handle it. HA.
I love reading other’s blogs because it’s WONDERFUL to be introduced to other ideas, beliefs, and interesting aspects of people. It doesn’t matter if that person is completely different from me; if that person is interesting then I’m going to keep reading.